Brother Perry
I just finished reading your article on why men cheat. I believe you have some very interesting perspectives on the subject. I really enjoyed what you wrote. Allow me, if you will, the space in the change jar to throw in my two cents.

I believe that men cheat based on their essentially dominant masculine nature. In fact, I believe that cheating is almost natural for any person (male or female) whose nature is dominantly masculine. This is because a masculine nature is one that is more focused on the thrill of the chase/hunter's mentality, so much so that it is often difficult for he/she to resist (comparable to hunger or thirst).

Moreover, at the root level the human being is an animal. It is true that the development of our frontal lobes, and its consequent effect on cognitive processing, has allowed us to "mentally" overcome many of our base animal urges. However, many human beings do not spend much time developing this skill, thus making them slaves in most cases to their "animal" instincts. We, in essence, have become socially functioning animals who believe that our ability to think and reason alone have pulled us out of the stone age.

Studies have shown that high testosterone levels (primarily in men) have a profound effect on monogamy. Testosterone is linked to things such as strength, aggression, confidence, etc. All of the things that attract women to men. Levels of the hormone have been proven to be higher in men who are high achievers in all areas of life (business, sport, bodybuilding, etc.). In fact, there are serious studies in nature claiming that testosterone levels determine the "Alpha Male" in most animal groups; which is known to attract the female of the species. How many Alpha Male animals are monogamous?

All of that taken into consideration, how long has monogamy existed as a common world practice vs. the length of time that human beings have existed on the planet. At best we are looking at maybe 1,000 years versus millions of years of evolutionary development. In fact, up until the Greeks and Roman societies became the ruling forces of the world, polygamy was the norm in most cultures. The Greeks and Romans only mandated monogamy as a law for reproduction purposes (due to the predominant homosexual culture), economic purposes, and religious rule. This spawned the monogamous take over of the world.

Where am I going with this? Well, I wonder if a thousand years of cultural rule can truly overturn millions of years of evolution.  I ask myself, can cultural law override animal instinct and bio-chemical reactions? It is true that with the proper development of the mind, particularly the frontal lobe, we can beat these things. But, looking at today's society, how many people (percentage wise) can we say are able to master their internal animal? I'd say less than 5%. Now, society constantly put pressure on us to fall in line with its mandates. If you are not willing to marry your woman, she will eventually leave you. Women are sold the idea of the perfect "Prince Charming" who will love her and only her at an early age. Therefore, she expects any man that she deals with to potentially be that. A man in America today would have far more success cheating then attempting to be honest and happy. So, what choice is left? He either develops himself mentally, cheats, or becomes a testosterone depleted shell of a man in what I call the "Al Bundy" syndrome.

In my humble opinion, men cheat for many reasons. But, those reasons are only the branches of a tree whose roots run deeply into the prehistoric subconscious of man. Until we have a society that develops us consciously, so that we successfully overcome the animal in us, we will always have an epidemic of men cheating, and women cheating to get back at them. It is a vicious cycle.

Why am I so concerned about what a man/woman does outside of the relationship?

Because our society breeds selfishness in all of its people. We believe that our relationship partners belong to us, giving us the unrealistic expectation that we can control these people. Instead of intelligently choosing a partner who shares our system of values, we chose people based on superficial reasons like looks and personality, and then try to turn them into what we want. This gives us a false sense of entitlement.

Why am I letting his/her actions define what I do and how I feel?

Because we are not taught that true happiness in life come from within. So, people spend their entire lives seeking happiness from the outside. In feminine people (most women), the most important priority is intimacy and relationship. So, if the person she chooses to share this with is unfaithful, she immediately attaches that act to her own self worth. She cannot see that she can find happiness in learning the lesson and finding another, more qualified partner.

Can a man/woman be supportive, love me, and cheat on me?

Absolutely! Most cheating is based on sex/physicality. Love is emotional/conscious. Sex and Love are completely separate things. However, because it is customary to only have sex with one that you love, society has lumped the two together in an oil/water mixture that has thrown us off balance. Most men do not love the women that they cheat with. In fact, most good men cannot even explain why they cheat. It is an addiction, which has nothing to do with their feelings toward their partners. They are just not looking deeply enough at their actions to see how they affect their partners. This is not something that you would want to do to someone that you love. But, my question is, does this inconsideration mean that the love does not exist?

Why does it hurt so much to be cheated on?

Because we feel betrayed, powerless, taken advantage of, etc. But, I would argue that the overall deceit affects us much more than the actual act of cheating.

Lastly, I love this quote:

    People are complex creatures and issues of infidelity are muddy. Most people do not define boundaries of their relationship and react to information from an emotional perspective. If my wife slept with another man, I would dislocate her cranium because that is outside a boundary, standard, or statement of purpose that we agreed upon. Whether she has or will cheat in our relationship is another matter. But if I live my life in her possibilities of representing me then I would not be living out my destiny.

Brother Wize